.....

oh how i've grown
from past posts about new ventures that I thought were fulfilling
Vulnerability ... must take responsibilty.
Ha, kind of funny of me to say that I shouldn't be held liable
I was simply curious
Confused
Misguided
..Learning
In retrospect, a few weeks later.
After running into my past ...
I see ...
That I am not ready.. hardly ready .. to even compare one to the water
Yes, was indeed slightly refreshing
Yet not even pure

I'm sad to say
My hearts turned cold.
I never thought this would be me.

yehh

...should've investigated.

bird

times like this
i wish i was a bird
so i could fly far far away
far far away from here

almostbutnoteven

so not ready to fall
but ready to teter on the edge.
:)

almostbutnoteven

so not ready to fall
but ready to teter on the edge.
:)

likethewater.

this morning i woke up tired, but refreshed.
talked to my best friend & i realized that, life is so beautiful.
But the beauty can be forgotten when love lets us down.
Well .. I've been through it all before.
And how silly of me, to be blinded by a heartbreak.
It didn't take me long.
But I see through it all.
The skies opened up & I'm so eager to feel the showers of enlightenment.
I am feeling free.
Something new.

...He's just like the water. I ain't felt this way in years. <3

december8th

today, 12/08 4 years ago marks the day a chunk of past began.
we never saw it coming.
all of this.
ironically ... sadness doesnt penetrate my body.
i am content with it all.
i look back on it and smile.
...we were ...
and no longer are ...
love lost.

thoughtsinfiltratingmybrain.

I've been thinking about alot of things lately. My life. Closing a chapter and struggling to open up another. I guess sometimes in life we're forced into making dreaded alterations, but things happen. So now, I'm constantly pondering, going back and forth about where my heart is. Its not where it was. And I don't plan ever turning back. Its moving towards something, something thats been here all along. But I don't know how to call it. Will things remain the way that they are? ... Or will they progress into something unexpected yet anticipated. I'm here, in the midst of my own confusion because I'm not even sure how to label my emotions. I'm ready ... yet hesitant. And somedays, I find myself down & out about the wounds I have from the past, and yes its true, they are still healing. Faster and faster each day. Soon I'll have beautiful scars. But back to the present ... I guess I'll give "it" a pronoun. HE doesn't know it, I'd rather not show it. But he left my mind for a while, for I thought we werent us anymore. But now he's back. And constantly on my mental. And my heart .. its heavy. Because I have to keep it all inside, because if I express it, I'm afraid he'll stray. A friend he is to me. This magnectic connection is something I've never experienced before. I see the me in him, and he sees the him and me. ... I'm not asking for anything major, just a little assurance, maybe some recognition. But until then, I'll be living life. Letting it flow like a stream.

mypgjawn:)

...Seana' Dark completes my life a little.

JJ <3

His arms stretch long like his mane
He brings ...life to me
Life to thee
Strides amongst the most dignified
And unwines in his own tide of self-suffiency
He walks
With an expression that paints a lost picture
Yet he flies high in his own imagined sky
With a zap of a finger, he taps into another world thats full of wonders
Whimsical beats that would persuade ones body to sway and beat their feet
He embodies the streets of his city
He and she transmit their unique auras to anyone and thing in close proximity
The spirit of he roams free
Bright like street lights, perched on the top of a dream, he lets his soul be
Completely ...
Engulfed in his own lullaby
He stands
A polished rebel
With eyes as glassy as pebbles, he dwells
Behind an exterior akin to a tender shell
Closes his beautiful eyes
Drifts into a galactic trance
And there his soul begins to dance

this time

ran into you yesterday
memories rushed thru my brain
its starting to hit me
now your not with me
i realized i made a mistake
thought that i needed some space
just let love go to waste
its so crystal clear, i need you here .

...this time, i still don't know if i want it all.

i love you., but not really.

I wanna be a virgin again ...

new new.

i won't make it any further with you on my back ...

so .... i'm on to something new
but the new can't see whats standing here
right in front of it
willing to disregard titles
i just wanna lie in the prescence of this newness
yet i know your not willing to do this
but i still im not able walk away
cause' you see ... the connection was too strong
short lived, maybe.
but beyond magnectic.
for those few moments, our eclectic souls met and touched one another
so like dust , please don't blow me over the edge
linger here a little longer ...
my something new.

the only reason I'll ever turn back.

newly discoverd

So I've been dreaming of ways to make better days

Brainstorming schemes to illustrate fresh scenes that portray what this life of mine really means But by the end, I always find myself stuck

Planted in a muck full of ideas that are fucked because they never had a chance from the beginning

But while living in this constant state of confusion, under my own delusions,I came to the conclusion

That all I really need is some music

Music that can enslave my mind, while positively captivating my membranes and then when the song is over I'm still subjected to its orgasmic rhythms, creschendoes and tempos

Lyrics that paint my life so perfectly on a canvas, with my fears and dreams splashed in shades of grays and yellows

Upbeat or mellow

You see, although it is a major necessity, its not all that I need

Give me some poetry

First a blank surface and a pen or a pencil I call those two my favorite utensils

However I hardly eat my words, but yet I feed them to you

And all the words I speak are life lived experiences, making them true

Bestow me with eloquent adjectives so that I may attempt to put you in the know of my highs and lows

And then an listening ear that can withstand my passion and how far it goes

While I'm delievering my words

Can I lay amongst the air while you speak them softly back to me?

Can we actually ... roam somewhere higher than the first atmosphere,and if we can't make it that far lets just roam somewhere near , dwelling in a place amongst peace and more peace

Put my words on repeat and the world on pause

I'm seeking to be temporarily lost with a cause

Willing to rebel on the brink of hell

Cause' in times of stress ... I need to live a little

So I'm no longer stuck in the middle

I'm done seeking the complexities for now

And I'm welcoming simplicity and proclaiming my freedom out aloud

You see I am a black bird

Illuminated by a five pointed star

Content .. and ready to take flight.

mirrors.

And so I'm sitting hereStuck in the middle
I've been gazing at a reflection of a strong yet fragile image that I sometimes can't recognize
And so I try and compartilize my fragmented pieces in a box labeled "the past"
And the rest of me , I stare at it in the mirror
My biggest fears richochet off the glass pieces
And sometimes I feel defeated and contatined in the high walls of my heart
The fears bounce back with great force, I take the blows without flinching because nothings worse than vulnerability
At least at this point ....I'm open like a wound
Prone to accidents and susceptible to false truths
To life without romance, I am not immune
Love was my vaccination
There is no guarantee, constant contemplation
So I'm pacing, back in forth in this mirror
Trying hard to make the vision clearer
Although I am strong, its hard to believe I'm on my own
Momentarily I sink deep in the depths of my solitude
Serenading myself to my own somber interlude
And even though I look into the mirror and see an image that may sometimes confuse me
The clearest thing is always my naked beauty I am here
Evolving with my layers not quite in tact
Unknowingly wearing my heart on my sleeve...
Ironically, I finally feel I can breathe

I should probably start this thing back up .....

highpitchedscream.

ever been irked to the point of no return?
well thats how i'm feeling.
i just wanna curl up in a ball.
shut all the windows.
turn off my phone.
...and scream.

teenagevent.

(sigh)

at this point in my life, why does it seem like i'm the only one with some sense?
i mean, its pretty unreal how off the wall people can be.
yah yah yah, the whole teenage life is full of adventure. new experiences. tempations...n' what not.
but are there any boundaries anymore?
its almost like we're all in competition to see who can do the wildest shit & who can push the bar the farthest.
but i'm saying... when you wake up the next morning feeling like jackass was it all worth it?

nah, i'd think not. i mean females are literally throwing themselves on dudes., & totally forgetting their own identify.
and whatever happen to a thing called "a relationship?"
i mean i honestly don't know anyone whose looks at sex as something you should clearly be doing with a committed partner!
(take it as a more general statement)
i just thought there were some morals tied into this whole sex piece.
when really i think we're all just f'n confused.

i mean, we have this fairytale about love and we think its supposed to be so pure & picture-perfect.
but yet we think sex is top priority on the list of "To Do's" for our teenage relationships/flings
and because we simply "like" someone, they're a candiate to "go there".

nah, i'm not perfect & i can't say i'm guilty either....
but i just feel self-respect is a thing of the past, or at least it ain't like it used to be.

blogvirgin

.so i'm new to this.

don't judge me for my - wild' vocabulary. blatant statments. dreamy paragraphs. and deep sentences.

cause' you'll probably get something out of them all.

<3lakin.